Moving Back into the Closet, Cursing.

*This is transferred from Facebook for reasons that will be clear toward the bottom. This is another fine example of why i keep saying I am Pariah, many times over.

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Jae Baeli

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm going to have to go back in the closet with my atheism, at least on facebook and on my main blog. I'm trying to find dates and a partner, and everyone is so brainwashed, they prejudge you based on that, before they even get to know you. My odds are already dismally low by being gay, among other things. Non-belief is the new GAY.

Victoria Bard

no closets! You are who you are and you are fabulous as is! "What people think of you is none of your business" so I've heard from someone over 90 (who's name I now forget...). and hey, I didn't prejudge you, now did I? So you can't say 'everyone' LOL...keep on keepin' on, I'd say... Have a great day!

Brian Cunningham

I feel your pain Jae!! That's unbelievable in this era of 'tolerance!'

Tanya Gotcher

This is why I don't get into discussions about religion very often. (Sigh) I'm tired of hearing how wrong I am and I'm destined for Hell. The last thing I need is a bunch of Bible bangers trying to save me. I think I'm more agnostic though, cuz I just haven't made up my mind what's out there and who, if anything.. I'm gonna be like W.C. Fields, on my death bed I'll be "looking for loopholes" just in case.

Mickey Losey

I'd be interested in how they are so sure that theirs is the only correct measure.

Tanya Gotcher

Heard it all before. Bores me so I just don't go there.

Jae Baeli

I appreciate all of you chiming in--especially so fast! Thanks. But here's the deal...(And I'm sure it'll go in the book when i write more about this). I was proud to have come to the conclusion that I am a non-believer. Just like I was proud when i came to the conclusion that i was gay. It put things in perspective and gave me my power back. But sadly, there still are a MAJORITY of people in this nation, who have preconceived notions just like i did WHEN I WAS A CHRISTIAN about who atheists are. I would not have anything to do with one either. So i get it, from that viewpoint, though that viewpoint is based on lies. So i know that if i ever hope to find a partner, or even a date, they will have to get to know the other parts of me first, and then decide. Then if they have an idea of who i am on a personal level, and not just a word on a page, they will be less likely to eject me. Becuase some of their misconceptions will then be brought to light more naturally.

52 minutes ago ·

Jae Baeli

I HATE that i have to do this--in this day and age--but I do. I do NOT want to be alone the rest of my life.

52 minutes ago · Delete

Brian Cunningham

I hear you Jae, and I genuinely feel for you....

Brian Cunningham

I guess it's like conceding a battle to win a war.

Jae Baeli

Yes, Brian, that's exactly what it is!! Very succinctly put. (succinct is sometimes a challenge for me)...but That's what I'm saying.

Brian Cunningham

Anyway, want to wish you luck in your choice Jae (if you believe in luck! ). I wish people in 2009 wouldn't be so damn judgemental...

Tanya Gotcher

Humans are always going to need to validate themselves which includes their beliefs. Unfortunately, they way most do this is by judging others harshly in comparison to themselves, which, I guess, in some warped way, bolsters them. We have this strange need to point at and criticize everything that is different from us. I don't understand why so many view difference as threatening. If you know who you are and like who you are, then why bother with all that? Why does anyone have to be "right"? Maybe we all are and none of us are.

Tanya Gotcher

And, hey Brian, don't get me and Jae on the whole "luck" thing, right, Jae? LOL!

Tanya Gotcher

"there will be an answer, let it be."

Jae Baeli

Oh Please! The luck thing...Tan, you know that's in line as a book to be written. I will be consulting you. And quoting you.

Jae Baeli

Now, i will probably remove this post for the same reason I was complaining about IN THE POST ITSELF. But will repost on Supernatural Hypocrisy blog, which will now be the only place i will publicly discuss my non-belief.

Moving Back into the Closet, Cursing.

Whining Pariah

Colorado.......I'm sure there are kindreds out there (I do have a fabulous best friend, 2 hrs away, but i mean OTHERS). I am so anxious to meet all the people in the social groups I've joined online already. The degree to which I want this move is palpable; I can think of little else, and my level of stress reflects my fear that it might be delayed, or--unimaginably--not possible at all.

Here, where I am, I always feel like a stranger in a strange land. I feel like the pariah. (Don't forget, this is the Bible-Belt). I feel like most of the people I come across in this region are not on the same page with me...(careful not to sound elitist). I have to change this situation before i claw my own eyes out! I am not usually the pity-party type, but i do feel powerless in many ways, about this, yes....Hell's Bells. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm whining. I hate whiners. lol.





But I HAVE been isolated for a long time. Mostly not intentionally--it just sort of happened that way. I work at home, (so no workplace connections) don't attend church (hiss!), don't have kids, no partner, no family, (no play dates or gatherings or surrogate family) I have already done the college thing (8 years)...so yeah, since those are things that naturally encourage socializing and support networks, and just the ebb and flow of PEOPLE-- I'm in an odd, unfortunate position.

I've spent years having most of my relationships online--and we all know those aren't "real" relationships. I want IN PERSON relationships again. These are ALL good reasons I know i have to relocate to a place where there are diverse things and people--and within reach. As a real estate agent will tell you, it's about Location, location location.

Around here, everything is spread out and you have to drive all over the place to get to something, and then, there's really not that much to choose from. It's like I've discovered I'm a steak, misrouted, trapped and hiding in a baloney factory.

When you are generally from "Southern stock", it's often hard to break free of the brainwashing that goes along with it--though I was one of the first in my High School class to "get the hell outta Dodge." Many here are trained to think in the box, wear blinders, drown the boredom in liquor, and have all their information fed to them, never learning anything new because everything they could possibly need to know was handed down through the generations. ("If it was good enough fer my daddy, it's good enough fer me.") It blinds these people to all the wonderful opportunities and experiences to be had out in the world.

I have been aware of all this for a long time, but am only now figuring out what needs to happen to change the rut--the formula has been all wrong, even if the good intention was there. I tried for a long time to defend the region I've been in for large chunks of my life, (denial) and I kept moving around looking for a place to call home, and I was unhappy in every place I went, until it finally dawned on me---I'm just moving to another place like the last place. I'm always fond of reciting the definition for stupidity to everyone else: doing the same things over and over and expecting different results...then BAM! I'm the stupid one.

Now, I need to shut my pie-hole.

(damn novelist).

Whining Pariah