Anything But Zen

Disclaimer: This post in no way represents any doubt about what i believe as far as religion. This is just part of the journey when you seek the truth. Some of it will be hard for your emotional-self to assimilate. But i believe that solutions exist and writing about it, talking about it, is my way of finding those solutions.

This morning, after letting my dog, Giz out, and making coffee, I went back and opened the door to call Giz in, and instead of his name i just shouted, "Helloooooo!"

A sign of Ginkgo Biloba deprivation? Early onset Old-Timers disease?

Though it is my tendency (or coping mechanism) to make light of things, I think the event was much more troubling to me on another level. I think i have a deep seated-- or maybe Deep-SEEDED -- recognition of a particular Universal fact: I'm alone...there's no one "out there" to save me...but i'm still in that stage of calling out into the void, just to make sure.

On the road of life, there are leaders, followers, and those on the shoulder, trying not to get squished by the first two types who are whizzing by, while they try to fix the flat on their car, that is also just about out of gas...that's me there, with the half empty can of fix-a-flat. (Hi.)

I have always had this "luck" issue. I've felt, as a rule, unlucky. So, naturally (?), religion, popular or esoteric belief systems, motivational speakers, and alleged "Laws of Attraction" have all appealed to me at different times in my life. All those roads led to atheism, for me. I am, and have always been, ethical, though, admittedly, angst-ridden. Even when i take on all the responsibility of making all but ONE thing happen in a given situation--the thing out of my control--it doesn't happen, and I am unable to reach some of my most important goals. This example and others like it have led me to examine this subject more deeply. Since my induction into unbelief, when I feel powerless, there's no one to blame, no one to make deals with, no spells to cast, no one to pray to--it just IS. But this is the embodiment of "isness" that is anything but Zen.

While I am completely onboard intellectually, in this atheistic personal cosmology, I still struggle with the emotional and philosophical aspects. It's like the adult in me made the decision and moved on, but found the child crying, and had to take her by the hand and find some way to reassure her that everything will be all right....that concept, that paradigm, is a metaphor for the larger picture. I am aware of the almost genetic need of humans to have something bigger than themselves, someone in charge, some Universal Parent who gives them a sense of protection and safety. But i know there is no Universal Parent, and this leaves me orphaned near this swirling black hole, and I am on its Event Horizon, nanoseconds away from getting sucked into the nihilistic abyss. How do I reconcile Emotion and Intellect in this matter? How do i frame my personal cosmology? How do i "de-program" my mind from this cultural-psycho-social-childish need for a greater power than myself, from whom I can seek help and comfort?

As I've said, you have to be able to recognize your truths in the daylight before you can find them in the dark. I need to understand this so that I won't have a constant battle inside myself, like one of my gay-Christian friends who believes she will burn in Hell for being gay, yet still worships this god of hers. I would, literally and with literary allusion, be going from the Frying Pan into the Fire.

Does my luck have anything at all to do with my personal cosmology and how I assimilate it, or are they two different things altogether?

Anything But Zen

Richard Dawkins at Lynchburg Women's College (pt. 2)

PART 2: Richard Dawkins reads excerpts from The God Delusion and answers questions at Randolph-Macon Woman's College in Lynchburg, Virginia on October 23, 2006. This Q&A features many questions from Jerry Falwell's Liberty "University" students.

Richard Dawkins at Lynchburg Women's College (pt. 2)

Richard Dawkins at Lynchburg Women's College (pt. 1)

PART 1: Richard Dawkins reads excerpts from The God Delusion and answers questions at Randolph-Macon Woman's College in Lynchburg, Virginia on October 23, 2006. This Q&A features many questions from Jerry Falwell's Liberty "University" students.

Richard Dawkins at Lynchburg Women's College (pt. 1)

Mibber Who?.

(from my book in progress, Supernatural Hypocrisy: The Cognitive Dissonance of a God Cosmology")


"Mibber is loving and wise. Mibber is the essence of all matter and energy. Mibber has not limits. Mibber is all powerful."

When hearing statements such as these, it is not our first inclination to ask "What does that mean, in relation to this "Mibber"? or "how is it that Mibber can be all these things?" your first question is naturally, "What IS Mibber?"

First, we must define an object before we can even begin to examine the other questions that arise once we understand the fundamental nature of that object. The same is true, or at least should be true, of the Christian God. I find it aggravatingly fascinating how Christians make announcements and declarations about what God feels, thinks, does, and intends...but have no explanation for the nature of God. What is God? Who is God? How do they know this information?

In one breath, they say that God is mysterious and unknowable and in the other, they say that God is loving, or God is wise, or all-powerful. How can they know any of this if they don't even understand God and have never met him/her/it in person?

No one has ever had a real conversation with God. No, not even Neale Donald Walsch. Claims to the contrary have been grossly exaggerated. They have only had mental processes which they ascribe to an encounter with this invisible entity. One could just as easily-and with as much credibility-say that one has had a conversation with a tree, or a dog, or Elvis. The difference with the latter is of course that we do have actual evidence of the tree, the dog and Elvis.
But again, there is this pervasive, almost cellular habituation attached to the God-paradigm. As a species, humans have had belief in supernatural beings as part of the fiber of everyday reality. Prevalence doesn't, however, make it real.

Further, why would a person chose to believe in something impossible? If something is black, it cannot also be white. If something is square, it cannot be circular. This is akin to the statements most Christians make about God, the essence of which is, "God remains dry when immersed in water." On the face of that, unless it is trickery, this is contradiction at best, and deceit at worst.
The very first explanation that springs to the lips of the devout is some variation of "God moves in mysterious ways." I'll say! Any being who can exist but be invisible, embody the essence of love, yet be angry, and remain dry while immersed in water, is certainly beyond comprehension and so advanced as to be worthy of our attention. Except for one thing. There is overwhelming evidence to the contrary. It's almost certainly not true. And since no one can prove the existence of this god, we are left only with a choice to believe in something not only unproven and improvable, but in something that is illogical and fraught with contradiction at every turn.
Pardon me while I lean toward the more rational approach.

Mibber Who?.

Author's Note

AUTHOR'S NOTE

I will make no secret of the fact that, at this writing, I am almost certainly a card-carrying atheist. This book is a representation of how I got there.

I am not a Bible scholar or a Ph.D.-wielding lecturer, nor a scientist. I earned a degree in Professional Writing, and intend to complete a Masters Degree program in writing as well, soon. Other than that, I am just a writer who is many other things, not the least of which is a lifelong learner and seeker of truth. This journey is a personal one. My truth may never be your truth. So take this or leave it. But understand that I embarked upon this task with the utmost sincerity and the most profound need to know myself and my place in this world.

I am only now fully recognizing the courage it will take for me to embrace this part of my identity in a world where this stance is often cause for oppression in general and ostracization in particular. But I'm no stranger to that. I have been a minority more than once and still am. I am a woman-(though not minority in number, at least minority in a patriarchy and all that entails); I am also a lesbian-though I dislike the connotation of that moniker. I am simply attracted romantically to certain other women, and never, men. I fought disability for years, but refuse to let that define me, currently. And last, and most sobering: I am an atheist.

Let's see...what more could I do to achieve the permanent status of pariah?

In this work, I do not seek to denigrate other great thinkers or respected persons, but to ferret out the facts and, as much as possible, put it down in words.

The act of composing this book led me to some conclusions, or verified those I suspected along the way, and so there will be an unavoidable slant in that direction throughout the text. I didn't stumble on this project after a random thought waltzed through my head. I began the project to refine the ideas and questions that have always niggled at my brain; questions about belief, mortality, reason, religion, human nature and my place in this world. I seek peace with those things I know which might at first appear daunting, and clarity of those things I know on some intuitive level to be true.

I seek my own personal cosmology.

Author's Note